How to Not Be Shy: 7 Actionable Tips to Not Be a Wallflower


You are sometimes called “mute”.

Everyone thinks you either hate them or just constantly have a bad attitude.

When you said something and spent an entire month thinking about it.

When you’re choking, but you have to hold it in because two coughs had already drawn too much attention.

When the teacher said – “Everyone stand up, take turns, and introduce yourself to the rest of the class”.

If any of these sounds familiar to you, you’ve actually got plenty of company. Almost half of all adults consider themselves shy (40-45% to be precise).

When shy people hear that statistic, they say – “I thought it was just me!”

Here’s the deal:

Most shy people wish they were more confident. Instead, you judge yourself on based of people’s standards and think too much about how to act and react when something happens.

The worst part?

You become afraid of taking action. Because of that fear of rejection, you avoid taking part in even simpler events in life.

What’s even worse?

It becomes a habit. A bad one.

Breaking that habit is essential to overcome fear of rejection and failure.

So, sit tight. I’m going to ease you with 7 tips to not be shy.

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1. Look Confident to Not Be Shy & Feel Confident

This first step is essential.

Why?

Because it just works.

Here’s what happens:

Most shy people are afraid of going out, so they buy less clothes. They end up wearing nasty and weird clothes.

How cool is that, huh?

For me, when a classy, well-fitted suit covers my body with awesomeness, I feel incredible!

I feel so comfortable due to the fact that I’m wearing something super cool and I know it looks superb.

I’m not saying that you have to wear something expensive every time, but wear good clothes.

Most importantly:

Wear well-fitted clothes.

This is so important and huge. It just drives me crazy when I see a good looking guy wearing a baggy outfit. He could have achieved the perfection, man!

Anyway, he couldn’t do that, but you can.

Two things:

  • Get all of your clothes well-fitted by a nearby tailor. A few bucks for good natural confidence.
  • Avoid trendy clothes. As soon as they age, they’re gone. Instead, buy classic clothes.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

Overcome fear of approaching someone because you think you don’t look good – hell yeah!

Processed with Snapseed.
Processed with Snapseed.

2. Surround Yourself with Confident People

β€œIf you hangout with 4 broke guys, you’re going to be the fifth.”

We can easily replace the word “broke” with “less confident”, right?

Here’s the deal:

If you live with people who smoke, you will eventually start smoking.

You have to decide yourself, if you want to be broke/less confident or a confident person.

Do this:

Start realizing who is good and who is toxic.

A toxic person is able to suck all of your good energy, like a vampire. They have nothing good to say about anyone and will always talk about irrelevant things.

These are the ones you must avoid. Instead, find good, motivational and people who lifts you up and helps you when you actually need help.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

3. Make At Least One Good Friend

“Walking with a friend in the dark is better than walking alone in the light.”

Everyone has friends around them with whom they can talk to. But shy people don’t talk much, so they don’t have much friends.

I believe, every shy guy must have a good friend.

True story:

I myself was a shy kid back then. I never had a good friend in my early years, until I found someone who I can trust.

Actually, we were friends in our primary classes (kind of) but we didn’t really use to talk much. Life happens.

Anyway, we became good friends when we were seniors (age about 15-16 years) and seriously after that, life changed for me.

We were crazy about competitions. So, we participated in every school event that used to happen. Drama, art, photography, video editing, quizzing, you name it!

Because of all that I was able to overcome a lot of my fears.

Do this: Befriend someone-

  • Who understands you and your feelings.
  • Who can listen to you all the time.
  • Who is NOT toxic.
  • Who encourages you to take action.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

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4. Attend More Gatherings to Overcome Outdoor Shyness

Self-explanatory!

See, mastering something takes a lot of practice, time and hard work. And, it is obviously not a one-day process.

A painter practices and refines his art to build something great.

A guitarist practices playing a guitar every day to become a great guitarist.

“Repetition is the key to learning.”

And, what woulds be a great way to overcome shyness?

Drum roll please…

Attend more gatherings.

(Ya, ya… I know that wasn’t needed, anyway.)

Say ‘Yes’ to every invitation. Go out and meet more people. Having a friend who can introduce you to new people is great.

You know, I have found meeting new people more frequently is a very effective way to overcome shyness. Because you never know – who turns out to be a great help and change your life.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

5. Learn From Your Worst Situations

What if…

  • You met someone, nothing good happened and things messed up?
  • You prepared for a big event and everything went crazy and humiliating?

Don’t worry. You still learned a lot.

You learned…

  • What NOT to do for the next time.
  • To take precautions.
  • To better prepare for the next event.
  • How things actually work in real life.
  • If that person is good for you or not.

It is 100 percent a learning experience.

Keep trying and you will succeed.

Today, I can talk to any stranger, give interviews or give stage performance. All this is because of my continuous effort and desire to not be known as someone who rarely speaks to anyone.

Whenever I failed or messed up, I didn’t stop and tried again.

Be unstoppable. Stay hungry. You might fail 100 times, but you WILL succeed in your next attempt.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

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6. Learn to Communicate and Speak More

You said something, they heard something and misunderstood what you meant. This happens a lot times.

“It is not what you say, but how you say.”

Fortunately, you can learn to communicate better for more effective and clear conversation.

There are some things that go along with communication…

  • Focus
  • Stress
  • Body language

If any of these lack, the communication will not be much effective.

Here’s what to do:

Be a good listener

Shy people are already good listeners and good observers. Still, you have to focus on speaker, body language, tone and facial expressions. Signals like nodding or saying “hmm…” makes a conversation more deep.

Speak more and ask questions

To keep the conversation engaging, keep asking various questions.

Don’t stress yourself thinking – what should I say next?

There are always so many things to ask. Easiest ones – ask about hobbies, favorite vacation destination, education, sports, family, and so on. Stuff they love doing is the best thing to talk about.

(When you ever get a chance to meet me, just talk about music.)

Use your body

Your body says a lot about how much you are interested in that person.

Avoid cross-arms and pockets. Make eye contact. Don’t look down.

Moving your upper body towards someone, also drives interest.

Build self confidence – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

7. Do Not Copy Anyone and Be Yourself

Shy people often get jealous of the ones who are charismatic and talks to everyone. In other words, they are always in the spotlight.

Some shy people think imitating them will make them more likeable. But, actually it never happens.

Most of the times, they end up looking like a weirdo.

Here’s the deal:

Don’t change yourself in order to look different.

If you are shy, you will remain shy forever. Only the amount of shyness can be changed.

People love you for being you. Don’t disappoint them.

The truth is you are not perfect. So, does everyone. You can only get better at something.

Do this:

Behave like a child.

Little kids ask a lot of questions, right?

Every single thing, whether small or big or just anything. Just ask, why is that so?

Follow your vision.

Make your own personal mission statement. Most people don’t have it. But, the ones who do actually make a difference in the community.

Decide what you want to achieve when you become and what changes you want to bring into the world.

Remember: It’s not a goal. A vision can also be called as the ultimate goal of life.

You don’t look like a dork – check!

Overcome shyness – check!

Connecting The Dots

Nobody is born shy. People around us and circumstances makes us like that. However, the hunger to be different and to be known special makes us do amazing things in life.

Get started with your wardrobe, make good friends and meet new people regularly. Now…

Here’s what to do next:

Quickly tell me what is your biggest fear and what you think about this post in the comments down below.

I’ll be here to reply (either way, you can always talk about music) πŸ™‚

About the author: Akshay Dhiman is the co-founder of Easique, a men’s lifestyle blog that aims to provide actionable guides and advice on confidence, mindset and style, like this post on building self confidence.